He has much to say and a blog on which to say it. He uses long words and complex sentences. Some of those sentences are of dubious grammatical accuracy but who needs grammar when you have a message?
Every noun has at least one adjective attached to it. He never uses one word when six can be employed
to say the same thing. And in the midst of
the references to “transnational-corpo-aristocratic
ruling class (invisible)”, “manifesting a vulnerability” and to the etymology
of the word “elitism”, we find a list of the many, many things that Trenton
Oldfield finds unacceptable:
Removal of civil rights
Large corporations
War
Unemployment
Tuition fees
The relationship between the media, the police and politicians
The damage to public services
Racism
Misogyny
Forced labour in supermarkets
Spying on emails
Tax cuts for the rich
Skype calls.
Actually, I’m not entirely sure about this last one. The tortured syntax employed by Mr Oldfield
(or Oldfiled according to his own website) leaves me entirely in the dark as to
whether he has some deep, fundamental objection to internet video calling itself
or to the potential hacking of such calls by those in power.
Mr Oldfield also apparently objects to ““the state of exception with
Olympics”. No, I have no idea what he
means either. I can only assume he didn’t
get the Olympic tickets he applied for.
Trenton Oldfield is angry about many things. So angry, in fact, that today he decided to
take decisive action. In
his blog he likens himself to Emily Davison, the suffragette who died from
injuries received when she ran in front of the King’s horse at the Derby.
So what did he do? 
He swam in front of the
racing crews at the Oxford v Cambridge Boat Race, temporarily halting the event. He chose this form of protest, according to
his blog, because the race “with
its pseudo competition, assembled around similar principles of fastest,
strongest, selected ...etc, is an inconsequential backdrop for these elite
educational institutions to demonstrate themselves, reboot their shared culture
together in the public realm.” He refers
with scorn to the practice of listing the public schools attended by the
participants, and asserts that the general population is disinterested in the
Boat Race.
Of course the Boat Race is of interest to people all over the world. Hence its multi-million viewing figures. This is exactly why Trenton Oldfield chose to
disrupt it. Unfortunately he therefore finds
himself caught between two completely opposing stances. Is the race high-profile and his protest
therefore important and memorable, or is the race a lingering, elitist
anachronism of no consequence to anyone without a Champagne Charlie accent and
centuries of public-school and inbreeding in their pedigree, and his protest
therefore a complete waste of time?
He can’t quite make his mind up.
This indecision sets the tone for his rambling blog announcement of his
intention to disrupt the Boat Race.
There are so many things pissing him off that he can’t quite decide
which to highlight with his watery publicity stunt. So he hedges his bets and lists them
all. As a result, any message he might
have had is entirely lost beneath the sheer weight of disgruntlement.
War is bad. Racism is bad. Misogyny is bad.
No shit.
The government is pants. The country
is broke.
Tell us something we don’t know.
It’s not exactly “I have a dream”, is it?
It took me a few minutes to work out why my gut reaction to this “protest”
was to think “arse”. It’s not just that
as someone involved in rowing, and as an Oxford graduate, I know how much the
race means to the crews, and how much blood, sweat and tears they invest in
it. It’s not just that I enjoy watching
a good, tight race like this year’s event was shaping up to be. It’s that I just can’t be bothered with
people who protest against rather
than for.
Emily Davison knew what her message was.
She knew what she was fighting for.
Whether or not you agree with some of her methods, you are left in no
doubt about what it was that she wanted to achieve. I can’t imagine her leaving a note saying “I
hope my actions will highlight the general crapness of our government and help
bring an end to the oppression of women, cruelty to puppies and lack of cheap
corsetry.”
And she is remembered.
Mr Oldfield, however, is highly likely to go down in the narrow annals of
the boat race as “wotsisface, you know that pillock who swam in front of the
boats”, and is most unlikely to be remembered by the wider public at all.
But if he had been able to articulate some specific want, or if he had attached himself to some existing cause, he
might, just possibly, have stood a chance of being more than a minor footnote
in sporting history.
Protest has to be concise. It has to
be clear. People want a single banner to
march behind. They want one slogan to chant. I once attended a public meeting of lawyers
to organise protests against the sweeping legal aid cuts. There were all sorts of half-formed ideas and
arguments and eventually a well-known solicitor stood up and said “You know
what our problem is? We don’t have a name.
When we are marching on parliament are we really going to be chanting “The
LCCSA/BVC/LPC/WLYSA united, will never be defeated?”
Flippant? Perhaps. But he had a point that resonated after the
laughter subsided. It wasn’t about a
single name. It was about a single
idea. All the greatest and most
memorable causes are about one thing.
And end to racism. An end to apartheid. An end to the oppression of women.
Trenton Oldfield’s blog is just such a mish-mash of vague disgruntlement
that he couldn’t possibly articulate what it is that he wants. He doesn’t like the way things are but
neither does he have any better ideas.
Actually, he does have some ideas.
He suggests that cleaners should remove toilet paper from the loos of
power; that waiters should serve the wrong food to “elitist” diners, that those
with access to networking events of elitist sympathisers should let off stink
bombs.
Stink bombs and general crapness.
That is Trenton Oldfield’s message.
Sorry, Mr Oldfield. I took the time
to read your blog. But after careful
consideration I am going with my initial assessment of you as “that utter arse
who pratted around at the Boat Race.” I think the controversy surrounding Zoe de Toledo's steering is likely to be more memorable.
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